Of Journeys and Over Smothering

This has been an interesting week. Its not about what had happened, its about what had went on in the background. For all my talk about relationships and its advices etc, I realized that like all things in life, the more you learn, the less you know. This rings really true this week. This week I had learned that the more you think you know how to do some things, the further you are from knowing. I had always thought relationships come with a set of rules, a set of things that you must do and a set of things that you should do. Little did I know, that is far from what you should be. I thought I had started on a journey, only to realized that this journey of mine is falling in pace with someone for some parts of the journey. Like all journeys, you could have someone with you or you go about on your own. But when you do fall in pace with someone, it doesn't mean that you have to take the same steps together. You could be ahead or fall behind, it just means that the other person will wait for you or speed up to a certain point. You can't expect someone to continuously wait for you ahead and you can't expect someone to chase you all the time.

But this also means that both of you have to communicate along the way. Whether you need to speed up or slow down. You could play 20 questions for that or you could have a heart-to-heart conversation, either ways, you have to communicate. However, you can't over smother someone. We are both adults, responsible for each of our actions and our reactions. Its ok not to know how to react, its ok to miss someone, its ok to just keep quiet and its also ok to talk utter nonsense and still make conversations. Bottom line is, its ok to just be yourself and let your co-driver understand and learn about your quirkiness. 

This was what happened with me and D. And when AB mentioned something about over smothering and how he is going crazy without his freedom, a light bulb moment happened. And you know what, I'm just going to be myself, acnes and all my quirky habits. Take it or leave it, this is me. 

2014 : A year of reflection and perspective

I started this year with a new job and a new adamant persistence to change my outlook in life. I can't have the woe is me attitude anymore and I try to live up to this #newpj2014. It has been a challenging year to say the least. So busy that it is now coming to December in a blink of an eye. It is amazing how much things happened and how it still amazes me every single day. 

The job I took on was a gamble and it had paid of in spades. Not in the monetary sense, definitely not monetary sense. But it has taught me a few things. One, it really made me realized I have patience in me. Managing my bunch of monkeys and all their idiosyncrasies have been at times the most rewarding and the most frustrating thing that I've ever experienced. However, looking back on the things that I've been through with them, I'm glad I did and I wished I could have done better. I've learned a lot from them as well and I'm happy to say one is moving on to greener pastures (maybe!) and another will be promoted. I stand proud and I hope that it would work out for them. 

As for my family, my mom is turning out surprisingly, a happy trooper! I'm so proud of her and how she overcome so many of her mental blocks and how she is still standing and more independent as days goes by. I can't believe she went through all that she did. She will continue to make me proud. 

My love life took a not too surprising route. I've just started dating someone. I'm not sure being in a relationship with him will entails. Everyday I'm still learning something new about him and how we should interact, how we both react to different things and our behaviour and our very own idiosyncrasies to deal with. It has really been a journey. All preconceived ideas and ideals about him was thrown out of the window and I thought I knew him pretty well. Boy, was I wrong! Of course, wanting attention and wanting to meet him was primary but then again, I've learned that sometimes, its ok too, if I don't get to meet him. After all, this is a marathon not a sprint. Trust me, my typical reaction of Flight or Fight comes in every other day. And I have to tell myself that its ok to slow down.

As for my own self, this year had been interesting. I started the year wanting to change my outlook, one day at a time. And I still try to adopt this, one day at a time, one moment at a time. Well, I had learned how to make soaps, scrubs, body oil, body lotion, lip balms and the multitude different uses of each essential oil. I had failed miserably at the facial care though. Instead of the glowing skin review I should be writing, I ended up with acnes and big fat red ones too. Although now I'm on medication etc, at least I can say now, I've tried. I might have failed but I had given it a try. I had also started on a 100 days challenge to transform both my mind and body. Well, at the end of it, I might have a face full of acne, I have a healthier outlook for my body and I'm happier because I've learned to let go. And my happiness does translate to me feeling a lot lighter and I really embrace the day by day mentality. 

And with that, I aim to end the year with a big bang and hopefully, all the pieces that I've been planning will fall right into place. 

Relationships and its rights

As it is, it is very difficult to find a partner at this age, even more so, one that's single. But when you find one that is single, why is it there are also problems or attitude or behavioral issues on both sides?

I don't know to say if things with D is too smooth sailing or there is nothing. Like tonight, I felt like a nag or a jealous girlfriend or a burden. I really don't know which one and all 3 didn't sit well with me. Technically we have been dating coming to 2 months, but I think I can calculate with a single hand the amount of times we had met. I really don't want to feel angry but somehow, I would like to feel appreciated or at least, been given some attention to. I understand all of us are busy and I for one will admit that I can be so busy that I forget to ask about him. But I try. I really do. I really try to drop him a note daily and I try as hard as I can, to not disturb him. 

I believe him when he said it was fun and he wanted it more. He was convincing me, giving all the correct counter argument. I should have listen to my inner voice. 

And that's it. I should have just listen.....

Reminiscing and quiet optimism

I've learned now that for every single human interaction and relationship, we are bound to leave an impression or an emotion ticked. In my insomniac state now, I thought of a lot of things and what I reflected on when I travel solo recently, and how I'm quietly optimistic of the future. 

I still don't know what I'm going to do on the work front. I've not been actively seeking out for a job but I know my time is limited in my current company. I'm not complaining about my work but my peers leave much to be desired. I'm tired of the politicking that goes on and I'm tired of them trying to make a move to make themselves look better. It had been a painful journey watching my back and trying to be a better leader to my team as well.

where else on the personal front, I've started a relationship with D. It's an interesting journey so far learning about him and all that entails with being in a relationship. D is very very very different from the people I used to date. For one, he taught me about living life one day at a time. I think if we were to have a tagline, it would be we shall see. We just want to take each day as it comes, one day at a time, one moment at a time. He always say we are in this for a journey, we don't know what the destination would be, but he would be keen to explore with me. He had helped me coined Geeky Maven, guided me through some stuff, been a friend of mine for a year and never hid the fact that he liked me in that one year too. I, on the other hand, had been unsure and needed the time out from relationships. I needed to work on myself, find what makes me happy again and appreciation for my family and friends whom I had taken for granted. 

But, plunge I did into this relationship. And I'm just taking it day by day on whether I get to meet him, I try and touch base with him daily but I do forget some times! He asked me before, if I can handle him. I remember telling him this, no one can, and I for one will not be stupid enough to try. Neither do I want to change him. I need to learn how to live with him warts and all and that goes the same for him. I can't take credit for that, he taught me that too. But change him, I will not even bother to start trying. I know it can be frustrating when he retreats to his man cave. I know it will be even more frustrating when he retorts one word nonchalantly as well. But it will be the same when I do the same to him. In fact, now that he is going through a pensive mood, I can't do much but just sit by the side of his man cave, hoping that he will remember that I'm on his side, doing my own stuff, minding my own business till he is ready to come out from his man cave. And when that happens, I'll give him the biggest and tightest hug ever, because I know when the tides are turn, he would have done the same. 

6 degrees of separation

I always thought 6 degrees of separation between humans is a myth. I had always thought that with 6 billion people in the world, there's bound to be total strangers. But what I had never realized is that given a city like KL with 2 million people, those between the ages of 30-50 are really separated by just that 6 degrees. I'm bound to meet one person who has a mutual friend and then, that's the conversation we will have. And that is why, the person I'm seeing, also has mutual friends and in fact, our ex-es are each other's mutual friends. 

I need to get out from KL!!!!!!!

Two sides of a coin

Sometimes I wonder about this. Two sides to a coin, both sides facing away from each other. Both are used together but do we know which side is the up or down? Or is there ever a need to know which is the right side up? Both are equal but distinctively different too. 

I'm always amazed when someone said that phrase. It doesn't mean anything because it just means something can be used interchangeably but with very different effects. Oh well, things to ponder on.  

#100daystransformation

I had been asked numerous times, what is this 100 days transformation and I had wanted to write about this for a couple of days now and it just didn't feel right until today. Today I enter Day 99 of this 100 days journey I started for myself. I made myself commit to being happier and stronger, physically, mentally and emotionally. It was something that I wanted to challenge myself and it wasn't easy. There were days that I was up and there were days I was down. It was just how I could change the way I view things that made me realized that sometimes situations and some things are really not that bad. As long as I take a deep breathe, count to 10 and exhale, I might just have the capacity to believe that everything will work itself out.

In this 100 days, I had started going to bootcamp "religiously" (I try!!). I'm fitter because of it. I've completed my first 10km this year and I'm proud of myself for running almost 7km nonstop. This is really a first for me. This time round, the weather, my body and conditions were good. I had only my lucky stars to thank for allowing me to experience these all. I've learned how to eat right, get my sleeping pattern right (somewhat!) and still get to enjoy my drinks. 

Mentally, I've learned how to NOT lose my temper as quick as it used to be. I can stay focus on some stuff and complete it. Most importantly, I've learned to let go. I've stop feeling sorry for myself and I've accepted certain things and I'm learning how to let things go. I've always felt that there is a need for me to make sure certain things go my way and I usually bull doze my way through. Nowadays, I don't and I pick my battles. Battles that are worth fighting for are those that I bull doze my way with tact. I've learn how to lose some battles too and that's ok. I'm not here to win a battle, I'm here to win a war.

Emotionally, now this is a hard subject to talk about. I'm not emotionally unstable but I do have a tendency to let emotions get the better of me. Especially when I'm dealing with matters of the heart. It is not easy to take control of my emotions and I'm slowly learning how to deal with that. I won't say I have mastered it but I would have to say this, I'm a very blessed girl who have a very strong support system that would never abandon her even when she's in one of her tantrums. I've learn to deal with it and from loving myself to wanting to see others around me happy, it all works out well. Being able to see big smiles on your loved ones face and knowing you had everything to do with it, makes me very happy and contented.

So there you have it, my 100 days transformation. Most important lesson that I take away from this journey, is living it day by day without expectations of what the future brings and face it as it comes along. I'm fitter, happier, stronger and embarking on a side journey with a man that allows me to be open and honest with him and I think, he would allow me to get away with murder too! Come what may the future brings, I choose to have faith in others, hope for the best and love myself and others. 

Rumors and its impact

I love to observe antics of others when it comes to gossiping and spreading rumors. Every single human being indulge in it despite the fact that it can get spun out of proportion. Having said that, I've been the subject of some interesting stories and been listening a lot about what was said of me. There are times I wonder how the rumor mill was spun and how it can spin even further with just a different iterations. 

There has been a lot of stories about me on the work front. Apparently, no one has a lot of care and regards for the current work I'm carrying out, the current stuff we had been doing. What upsets me even further is the fact that no one had thought of consulting me first on what I want to do. Not only was there zero monetary gain, it was double the work and triple the efforts that I'll need to put it. And they had always end their conversation with, its your choice! That's a total piece of BS that I haven't heard in a long time. Not only do I not get a choice, I don't even have a say before the work is piled on!

Contented

Recently I had a chat with a girlfriend, she mentioned that I look a lot happier recently, tired but happy. I realized at that time, I have been happy recently. Not the ecstatic happiness but more of a contented happiness. And to answer that question, no, I'm not seeing anyone special yet. But it's more of the I'm at ease with things around me. I made a decision that I will be single for 2014 and start finding my own comfort zone within myself. I have never looked back since then.

I'm comfortable with work, geekymaven is still an advisor. I've made progress albeit very slow with what I want to do, but at least I'm moving. I travelled to Korea and I'm going to add 2 more new countries my list. Money will always be an issue but it's a manageable issue. My mom is also finding her own space in her singlehood now. It's funny to observe her antics at times and it cracks me up the other half of time.

Somewhere inside me, I have found patience that I never knew existed and a higher tolerance to people. I laugh more now and louder too. It's amazing how much you can accomplish once you decide it that you don't want to let it faze you. Letting go is tough work though! 

On a separate note, had a chat with D (well, I did mention yet earlier!) and he asked me what changed. I couldn't pinpoint it specifically but I just decided to cut myself some slack. I can't control a lot of things and I should only look into within my circle of concern. D asked how is he my solution? My quick retort back is he is not my solution as I don't know what it is but I'm game to try. His other question was, cautious or throwing caution to wind. I'm definitely cautious. I'm still a WIP but maybe, just maybe, I've also grown up too. I know one thing that I want and need, open and honest communication. And then, we can take it on from there. One small freaking step at a time. 

What is it?

I don't know what is it about you. I've met you 1 year ago to date and you had been in my life ever since. A shadow, a rock (at times), a friend, a buddy and one just being there. I don't know what it is about you specifically. I don't know what it is about you randomly too. But you were just there, a phone call away (at times), with no promises of a future. No expectations of what is going to happen and definitely, you don't come with a warning. 

what are you?

After Us

I watched a short clip today. It's called After Us, by WongFu Productions. It was a clip on how a girl recovers from a break up and stages to go through. And one line from the short clip kept coming back to me. "It's ok, take your time"

I asked myself recently, how is it that I can have some form of success in my work life yet, my personal life is such a shitty existence. Love, romance and all that lovey dovey stuff had taken a backseat in the last 4 years. I know where it came from. To be honest, I know I would give anything to avoid feeling the way I did 4 years back at this same period of the year. I had split up with the one guy that I thought was the love of my life and the one guy I had ever thought I would settle down with. It was at that point in time where I had not left my room for a week, getting myself out from the bed was a chore that was too big of a mountain to climb. I had not been able to function for at least 1 whole month. I was lucky I wasn't fired from my job and I didn't commit suicide.

Looking back, I felt ridiculous. He was just a man, nothing more, nothing less. But at that point in time, he was my everything. I had idolized him and I had done a lot of silly things and created expectations that no one could have met. I was young and foolishly in love in my own ideals. 

Four years later, I met him for brunch last weekend. He had gotten himself engaged, and by his own words, very miserable. I have been single for a year and starting to love myself a lot more and took time out for myself. I saw him after a long while and how shocked I was when I realized how he had become. He was actually, for a lack of a better word, shackled. I realized that he would have been like that had we stayed on in our relationship. And that would be the last thing, I would have wanted him to be. And it would be the very last thing I want to be in, an unhappy relationship.

So for some odd reasons, I had set myself free from my own self imposed world. And I finally know and realized now, I have well and truly moved on from my own shackles. After us.... 

Memories

Ever wondered why memories are always sweet? That's because it's always tainted with emotions and our brain can only remember the good ones. 

Late night insomnia

He seems to float in and out of mind constantly. It is true when they say you know about the person more after you break up than when you are in a relationship. B floated in and out of my mind today. And I couldn't help thinking about our good times but then again, I also remember our breakup. It was just sudden and he just went into a shutdown mode. And it was a total shutdown to the point of missed appointments, missed calls, unanswered messages, mails. Everything that he initiated first. It was a frustration. And when we started talking, he couldn't even remember what went wrong. Scary part was, he lied, he deliberately lied to me. And that was when I knew I wouldn't trust him at all. On hindsight, it was probably that, that made me judgemental. All the stolen time on the phone, constant message checking. Let's face it, I've had my fair share of those too. 

Ever believed in karma? I do and it has come one full circle. What I did with AB and K, was what happened between me and B. And guess what, I'm no longer fighting to forget those memories. I'll let it linger, relive those moments, good and bad, and then bid them a farewell. They will be back but they can't hurt me anymore. I wish all of them, K, AB and B, the very best in their future, their lives and their loved ones. I had loved each and every one of them in their own way and mind. I hope for nothing but the best for them. Guess what, I actually mean it. 

Somewhere out there

Somewhere out there, beneath a pale moon light......

Its been a long while since I last blog. It had been some crazy months and it will be an even crazier period 2nd half of the year. There has been a lot going on for me. From my official work with VADS to my work with Geeky Maven, even more so now with more exciting things in store for Geeky Maven. 

Surprisingly, I find my days a little more fulfilling and loads of amusement with my team. Somehow the work doesn't seem so monotonous and definitely seeing the humor side of it makes it easier. 

I have also started on a lot of DIY stuff. From cleansers, scrubs to soaps, I'm enjoying how much fun all these is bringing me. I can't wait to try out different oils blends, essential oils and learning a lot more about it.

Bullshit

Have you ever been with a man that just keep telling you BS after BS after BS? And you lie awake at night wondering why the hell he did it and why is it till now the stories doesn't match? Well, take that one man and then add another man. There you have my last 3 relationships!! And I now wonder, is that my pattern? 

Trust

TRUST. A really simple word that can make or destroy everything. It is really not easy to trust someone. It is very true when you say trust is earned. Its not something you can gain easily. No one will trust you at first sight. I still remember a very dear friend said before, trust no one. 

I trust people easily and freely. This is because I've learned that we should all give everyone the benefit of doubt. But nowadays I don't and I know I'll never fully trust someone. Even if it is someone that I'm sleeping next to. How do you let go of the past hurt and not let it affect your future? How do you learn to trust someone else again?

Yes or no?

Do I tell him or not?

All hail the new generation of keyboard warriors!

I can't believe some of the shallow minded Malaysians at this time. While the sad news of MH370 flight, Beijing bound, is missing, there are some who are spreading rumors. What saddens me the most is that the rumor came from a news agency. I admit our local news agency are not the best but this is stretching it way way way far from acceptable. Not only that, there are some that took it upon themselves to start criticising Malaysian Airlines management and maintenance processes. Seriously, when there are 239 people missing with infants and all, we have our own generation of keyboard warriors that starts spreading rumors and missing the whole big picture. 

Do they know that airlines have strict rules with regards to service and maintenance for all aircrafts? Accidents do happen, lost of communication happens and yes, it's a freakish incident but it doesn't mean it is due to lack of maintenance! Yes, MAS suffered millions or billions of losses, but there are other reasons for losses and not just cutting corners off! 

Well done, we have raised a generation of keyboard warriors that don't check their facts and like the saying goes, "the pen is mightier than the sword", the pen has been replaced by a keyboard. Yes, everyone reserves the right to comment and it is their right to do so but please do so with some ounce of brain activity to it! Don't believe everything you read, don't accept everything you have been given, don't be quick to judge and have one sided view! 

I'm truly sadden by the fact that I'm blogging this, MH370 is still missing and we have a bunch of keyboard warriors that is totally missing the point. I pray for the safety of those onboard MH370 and staying positive is the key now. As for the keyboard warriors, please use your brain more!

What do we leave behind?

I sometimes wonder, what is it that we leave behind when we are no longer here? For some its their kids, for others its their work and for some none. 

I now wonder, what is it that I leave behind? I had made pact with myself some long time ago that I shall try and leave this world a better place, be nice to people and be remembered as the smiley cheerful one everywhere I go. And I realized with some people, I just have to try that little bit harder.

Sometimes...

Sometimes, there are just some things that are never meant to be understood, changed or forced upon.

Sometimes, you just need to find a way to accept and move on.

Sometimes, all we need is just that little bit more of faith, hope and love.

And sometimes, we just need to believe, take a deep breathe and let go.

Memories and Expectations

You sometimes know that some stuff or people are a thing of past when all you could remember about that said thing was just the good happy memory. It's like we forgot how much that pain or hurt we felt. I'm always amazed at how much my brain can block off all that. Maybe it is a just our defence mechanism to continuously be happy. 

Then, there's another side of it. Expectations. How we expect ourselves to behave and others to fall into place. A good case study would be me and B. We were good friends and we had different expectations. When all hell broke loose, we just couldn't piece things together during the rough patch. After that, it just went down the drain. But we recently met up and that's when I realised that we had some good times and we could be friends again. Just not in a relationship and definitely we have different expectations. 

And that's when you tell yourself that this is the time to let go. Its time to give yourself that reality check of what went wrong, what went right, lessons learnt and expectations to be set. At the end of it, I'm happy I still have my friend back and come what may, life will go on and there will be someone out there for me. There is a saying if you can remain as friends after the breakup, it could either mean you are both still in love or you never were. I used to wonder about that but now, it doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't carry anymore weight for me. 

Although I must say that what I missed having with B is the fact that I never had a guy that adored me that much. That he would miss me a lot and say it. Then, I could irritate him so much that he would want to bite me. I never had that before. I now know that I deserve all that attention and adoration a guy could give me. Yes, till now, I don't know what went wrong and I'm putting it down as life's mystery. 

Harassment and being scared

Met with a car accident on Tuesday. It was my fault, a bimbo moment where I thought there was no car when I opened my car door and a car came banging my door from my blind spot. Didn't realized what happened and I'm lucky that I haven't stepped out from my car. The guy was screaming and shouting and when I finally talked sense into him, I decided to go the legal route as he wasn't even going to be reasonable. So both made police report. 

He kept calling every day, first asking for money, second asking how to make the claims. Told him that I won't be answering his call and to let it all be handled by the insurance company. I was scared because he keeps calling nonstop. And yesterday was Friday and I went to watch a show. What was scary was when I checked my phone, I had 8 missed calls from him each 3 minutes apart. That was when I had the chills. I was scared and I am scared now. I don't know what I'm actually scared of if you asked me. He has no clue where I stay and work but I can't help feeling that he is stalking me down. Or rather I can't help looking behind me. I've already said that I've taken all the legal route. I'm worried for his kid but he doesn't seem concern about his kid at all through out the whole entire time and I had to remind him all the time. 

I haven't done anything wrong and I had taken all the legal possible route. How is it possible that I'm scared of him?

Chasing Pavements

Something about this song has kept me hooked. I kept having in on repeat on my Spotify, especially the first line, I've made up my mind. I know the song was inspired by the singer's experience with a cheating boyfriend. But somehow I don't interpret the song as that. Instead, I kept thinking how lucky I am to have my support structure around me, through all my happy moments and all the moment when I just need them there for a hug, for a smile and even just drinking next to me while I kept quiet. I'm a blessed girl!

Racial Harmony that I've taken for granted

I was born and bred in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I don't recall a time where the color of my skin was a problem. We all speak the same language, English or Bahasa Melayu, fluently. We all have our mother tongues that we speak at home or dialects we speak with our friends. I don't recall a time where religion was a pain and we all respect each other's race and religion. It pains me to see where my country is going now. 

I may have my head buried in the ground in the last few years where suddenly religion is a big thing and we no longer respect and tolerate other religion and beliefs. What made it worse was the fact that we are now instilling fear into those who are easily led. I never thought that I would one day read in the national newspaper that the biggest fear of this country is when a Muslim murtad. Seriously, what happened to the freedom to practise a religion of your choice? What happened to secularism? What happened to love thy neighbour as thy self? 

As my work brings me all around this region and the world, I realized how Malaysians had deluded themselves. I may not be the most open and liberal Malaysian but I've seen how other races and religions behave and it is definitely not like how it was preached in the last few years in this country. I remember in my tweens period where I was trying to understand religions of the world, I attended church, temples and mosques. I had loved all the religion, their teachings, their beliefs and their faith. I had absolutely hated those that believe that they are the chosen one to deliver God's words. Some instil fear, some instil hatred, even worse, some instil the need to call for war against the disbelief. 

I remember leaving those places of worship in disgust and never wanting to go back there again. Why do people feel the need to tell others that their religion is superior than others? Why can't we all co-exist in a world that tolerates religion but also respect other's for their choices and their beliefs? Why can't we just live and let live? 

I specifically remember this incident in a church where the senior pastor called to condemn a gay bishop and how the church doesn't acknowledge gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender. He said that it was against the act of nature and we condemn all that engage in those activities. I could remember my blood boiling at that point for if I remember my Bible words correctly, we are not supposed to judge others. Others will face their Judgement Day on their own and answerable for how they lead their life. Until then, we are all equal sinners. In fact, Jesus Christ mixed around with prostitutes and gays as it was a way of life then. But how is it that one man felt the need to condemn and judge others in the House of God was beyond me. 

Now, religion is thrust into the limelight by those who are supposed to govern a country. Instead of governing a country, they decided to be petty and govern what goes on in their countrymen's house! What right does a government, elected by people (mind you!), have to govern what I should belief and what I can or can't do? Where is our freedom? Where are the bygone, carefree days of my childhood? Where I can play with my friends, not realizing that they are malay, chinese or indian? And not bothered if we are Muslims, Christians, Hindus and Buddhist? Where is our tolerance? When has life gotten to be so serious and ridiculous at the same time?

Happy Horsey Year Ahead

It's Chinese New Year and fireworks have been going on and on for the last 4 days. I've come to acknowledge something for the new year. Its going to be a brand new PJ in 2014. I'm going to be single and I'm going to enjoy every single freaking moment of it. I'm not going be sad and mope about the lack of guys or my lack of relationship. I'm not going to be upset or feel jealous when I see other couples. I don't know their behind the scenes drama, it could be good or bad but good for them. I'm not going to long for a love story or be swept off my feet. 

I'm going to learn how to enjoy my life again. I'm going to travel again. I'm going to see the world and the world is my oyster. I'm not going to chain myself anymore. I'm going to be my own compass and find my happiness and inner peace. Its not going to be easy but it is definitely something that I'll die trying. 

So with that, I wish everyone a Happy Horsey Year ahead for all, regardless of size, age, religion, color and gender!