This past one month has been an amazing journey. Ups and downs and ins and outs and my only outlet has been working and writing. I've written so much in the last one month its amazing. No, its only my ramblings which means it will not see daylight but I enjoy just pouring it all out and then take pleasure in hitting the delete button.
I'm slowly moving on now. From not working to hopefully, a new job in mid December. Well, something or someone has to pay me whilst I can continue my journey with Geeky Maven on the side. I had started reading again and I forgot the joys of mornings in bed with a book. I had started running again, the best and most therapeutic way to work all those anxiety away, if only the weather would agree with me. I had also started drinking again but only limited to stout and whiskey. Well, a girl needs to know her drinks and make every one of those empty calorie a quality one.
I had also spent a lot of time with mom, my aunt, my 2 nephews and my friends. I've also started traveling again and I can't wait for it to bring to somewhere else and uncharted.
Most of all, this last one month has been an eye opener. My eyes opened to what relationships truly are. There is no set rules, no expectations, no boundaries and definitely nothing about control. But then there also a lot of people with different outlooks on relationship and as we grow older, we have a preconceived notion and set rules of what works and doesn't. There is no more throwing caution to the wind, we become more cautious, weary and jaded. But there is also less drama when things doesn't work out, yes, you will still be upset, you will still cry one month on, you will still yearn and long for it. You will still think with your heart and you will let your heart guide you for a little while more. Once, the battle is won by your head, it is easier to let go. I've learn now that there is a small joy in a relationship that is without drama. There is a joy in letting things go and setting yourself free. There is no point holding on. Yes, your heart will be stubborn and forever optimistically asking you to hold on. Your head will be there to tell you, its ok. Time heals all things and you will get stronger.
Sometimes all you need to do is quiet the heart and let your logical head guide you through. You will be able to sleep better at night and the pain will be lesser. The hurt will also lessen in time. You need your time to grieve but you know you will move on. Respect the relationship that had passed, grieve for the lost chance, lost opportunity even the lost of a friend. But you know deep down, it will pass and one day, you will wake up with a smile and a spring in your step. And you will know then, it has passed. Just don't let it drown you in misery. Just don't indulge in it, just don't throw pity parties. You know you will be fine. Don't try too hard or it will kill you. Let it be, let it go, take a deep breathe, close your eyes, say a little prayer and trust it will all be OK. And it will be. Maybe not tomorrow, not next week, but give it time to grieve, and then the healing can begin. Once the healing starts, you know that the worst is over and behind you. Learn from the experience and move on. Once you can accept that, the smile on your face and that spring in your step will happen. If not, wash rinse and repeat.
Que sera sera, whatever will be will be.
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