I never knew what being Malaysian means to me. I grew up thinking that it is my God given right to be provided a free education and scholarship just because I'm me. I admit I've been narcissistic thinking that everything is about me, me and me. And that is what every single millennial now thinks and I don't blame them for their line of thought, I had once think of it that way. I always felt that the government should do more for other races and religions and demonstrate that we are really multicultural and multiracial. We should all progress based on merit.
But we all forget that it is very hard to be all of that. I've fumbled, tumbled and hated Malaysia with a passion. I had never sang the Negaraku after I left my secondary school. Irony of it is that I lived opposite 2 schools where they sang it daily without fail. I had never once even been tempted to sing along. (and yes, to those who know me, early morning blur would have been a major part of it!) I had all my life think of getting away from KL, from Malaysia, from everything here. With politicians that are a ruckus, monopolized utilities and GLCs and government sucking money out from taxpayers hard earned income. It has given me every single reason to flight instead of fight.
But I'm still here somehow and proud to stay on to make a difference. As one decision leads to another, I'll be in a GLC starting July. It might not be a good decision or it could be, but my last 18 months being here, I've actually enjoyed singing Negaraku and I sing it with pride. Malaysians today are a self centred bunch, keyboard warriors and ignorant. They choose to be like sheep, following the herding shepherds, without questions asked. It is always easier to follow than to lead. And I witness this more and more, as days go by. I complain about it and make a lot of noise about it, but yet, I find myself drawn to make a difference, drawn to tell myself another 6 more months to make that difference. I hope I can.
