2014 : A year of reflection and perspective

I started this year with a new job and a new adamant persistence to change my outlook in life. I can't have the woe is me attitude anymore and I try to live up to this #newpj2014. It has been a challenging year to say the least. So busy that it is now coming to December in a blink of an eye. It is amazing how much things happened and how it still amazes me every single day. 

The job I took on was a gamble and it had paid of in spades. Not in the monetary sense, definitely not monetary sense. But it has taught me a few things. One, it really made me realized I have patience in me. Managing my bunch of monkeys and all their idiosyncrasies have been at times the most rewarding and the most frustrating thing that I've ever experienced. However, looking back on the things that I've been through with them, I'm glad I did and I wished I could have done better. I've learned a lot from them as well and I'm happy to say one is moving on to greener pastures (maybe!) and another will be promoted. I stand proud and I hope that it would work out for them. 

As for my family, my mom is turning out surprisingly, a happy trooper! I'm so proud of her and how she overcome so many of her mental blocks and how she is still standing and more independent as days goes by. I can't believe she went through all that she did. She will continue to make me proud. 

My love life took a not too surprising route. I've just started dating someone. I'm not sure being in a relationship with him will entails. Everyday I'm still learning something new about him and how we should interact, how we both react to different things and our behaviour and our very own idiosyncrasies to deal with. It has really been a journey. All preconceived ideas and ideals about him was thrown out of the window and I thought I knew him pretty well. Boy, was I wrong! Of course, wanting attention and wanting to meet him was primary but then again, I've learned that sometimes, its ok too, if I don't get to meet him. After all, this is a marathon not a sprint. Trust me, my typical reaction of Flight or Fight comes in every other day. And I have to tell myself that its ok to slow down.

As for my own self, this year had been interesting. I started the year wanting to change my outlook, one day at a time. And I still try to adopt this, one day at a time, one moment at a time. Well, I had learned how to make soaps, scrubs, body oil, body lotion, lip balms and the multitude different uses of each essential oil. I had failed miserably at the facial care though. Instead of the glowing skin review I should be writing, I ended up with acnes and big fat red ones too. Although now I'm on medication etc, at least I can say now, I've tried. I might have failed but I had given it a try. I had also started on a 100 days challenge to transform both my mind and body. Well, at the end of it, I might have a face full of acne, I have a healthier outlook for my body and I'm happier because I've learned to let go. And my happiness does translate to me feeling a lot lighter and I really embrace the day by day mentality. 

And with that, I aim to end the year with a big bang and hopefully, all the pieces that I've been planning will fall right into place. 

Relationships and its rights

As it is, it is very difficult to find a partner at this age, even more so, one that's single. But when you find one that is single, why is it there are also problems or attitude or behavioral issues on both sides?

I don't know to say if things with D is too smooth sailing or there is nothing. Like tonight, I felt like a nag or a jealous girlfriend or a burden. I really don't know which one and all 3 didn't sit well with me. Technically we have been dating coming to 2 months, but I think I can calculate with a single hand the amount of times we had met. I really don't want to feel angry but somehow, I would like to feel appreciated or at least, been given some attention to. I understand all of us are busy and I for one will admit that I can be so busy that I forget to ask about him. But I try. I really do. I really try to drop him a note daily and I try as hard as I can, to not disturb him. 

I believe him when he said it was fun and he wanted it more. He was convincing me, giving all the correct counter argument. I should have listen to my inner voice. 

And that's it. I should have just listen.....

Reminiscing and quiet optimism

I've learned now that for every single human interaction and relationship, we are bound to leave an impression or an emotion ticked. In my insomniac state now, I thought of a lot of things and what I reflected on when I travel solo recently, and how I'm quietly optimistic of the future. 

I still don't know what I'm going to do on the work front. I've not been actively seeking out for a job but I know my time is limited in my current company. I'm not complaining about my work but my peers leave much to be desired. I'm tired of the politicking that goes on and I'm tired of them trying to make a move to make themselves look better. It had been a painful journey watching my back and trying to be a better leader to my team as well.

where else on the personal front, I've started a relationship with D. It's an interesting journey so far learning about him and all that entails with being in a relationship. D is very very very different from the people I used to date. For one, he taught me about living life one day at a time. I think if we were to have a tagline, it would be we shall see. We just want to take each day as it comes, one day at a time, one moment at a time. He always say we are in this for a journey, we don't know what the destination would be, but he would be keen to explore with me. He had helped me coined Geeky Maven, guided me through some stuff, been a friend of mine for a year and never hid the fact that he liked me in that one year too. I, on the other hand, had been unsure and needed the time out from relationships. I needed to work on myself, find what makes me happy again and appreciation for my family and friends whom I had taken for granted. 

But, plunge I did into this relationship. And I'm just taking it day by day on whether I get to meet him, I try and touch base with him daily but I do forget some times! He asked me before, if I can handle him. I remember telling him this, no one can, and I for one will not be stupid enough to try. Neither do I want to change him. I need to learn how to live with him warts and all and that goes the same for him. I can't take credit for that, he taught me that too. But change him, I will not even bother to start trying. I know it can be frustrating when he retreats to his man cave. I know it will be even more frustrating when he retorts one word nonchalantly as well. But it will be the same when I do the same to him. In fact, now that he is going through a pensive mood, I can't do much but just sit by the side of his man cave, hoping that he will remember that I'm on his side, doing my own stuff, minding my own business till he is ready to come out from his man cave. And when that happens, I'll give him the biggest and tightest hug ever, because I know when the tides are turn, he would have done the same.