A Lesson Somewhere Out There

There is another 2 more days to the start of 2014. I had a really up and down year in 2013. I was re-reading my earlier posts and I mentioned that somewhere along the lines of all the amazing things that had happened, there has to be a lesson to be learn. I might not know God's grand plans but I've learnt to be more patient, letting things go and not let it get to me too much. I've learnt how to enjoy the good times with my family and nephews and friends. I've learn to love myself a bit more and not place anyone above me. Have faith, hope and love.

A full circle

Ever wonder how certain things just go back to where it all started especially relationships? Maybe there are some truth in the quote, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust", taken from the bible, Dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return, Genesis 3:19. I've been quoting from religious books a lot recently. I don't know if it could just mean I'm getting older. I'm not religious but I do believe in reading a lot. The other one that I've been researching is the term, faith, hope and love. I'm going to get that ink and that's a reference from the bible. Not that I would inked myself with religious scriptures or anything of that sort. But its more of the fact that I've been reading more of them.

I was just thinking about my latest relationship to how we started knowing each other till now, we have come a full circle. From strangers to friends, to close friends to dating and then back to complete strangers, don't you find human behaviours fascinating? I really do find it fascinating. One of my bestie was joking to say that I could be pregnant and I was thinking to myself, hell no, do I want to carry his child! Then I realized, maybe the whole thing was fragile and it was never meant to be. We both just fell into by convenience or by ease, and we just took it from there. We had one argument and then it just disintegrated. And that's where the sad part is, we could never be as close of friends as we used to be. And yep, we are complete strangers now. Fully completed the circle. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. No matter what happens along the journey, we will return to dust. That's why we owe it to ourselves to make the journey a happy and fulfilling one because this is the only journey we have. 

Reminiscing..

Sitting here in Starbucks at Pantai Medical Centre, I think a lot about my late dad. I think this is the first time that I had think of him as my late father. It has been 11 months since he had left us and we still miss him everyday. 

But now, I suddenly remember our happy incidents and funny encounter. One of it was when I bring both my parents out and usually it involves shopping. Dad will get bored so I used to park him at Starbucks. When I asked him what he wants to drink, he will tell me, Kopi O Kosong Hot. I used to laugh at that, saying that it just means americano. Then he would retort ya, call the coffee in english and you pay 10 times the price. He is not wrong in that. But I guess the cool and hip factor wasn't very high on his list. And that's how it goes with him and our coffee. I've picked up my coffee habit through him and it has been a very strong part of us whenever we smell coffee in the air. Till his very last day, he was still asking for Kopi O Kosong Ping. 

I still tear up whenever I think about him but it gets easier and better to talk about him and laugh at our memories. There were a lot of good ones to hold on to. Christmas is round the corner and I still remember the first time it was mandatory for us to buy presents for everyone after my eldest sister has converted. Dad bought all of us lollipops!!! Big huge ass ones!! And he gave the one with bell to my mom!!! Dad was a big joker! 

Last Christmas I cooked up a feast for everyone. I'll try to do that every year as long as I can cook and bake. I had inadvertently started a tradition of chocolate chip cookies bake off for my nephews. Something which I intend to keep. I'm now slowly charting and starting our own culture and traditions to keep things going. Moving on, we all are.....  

A year in review?

2013. I don't even know where to start on this year. I just cut my hair and honestly, I never knew that such a simple act can free me as much as it did. It is very therapeutic for me and it just free me in my mind. For some reasons, after I cut my hair, after those last words of someone telling me "you have your own life right?", I free the demon in me. Letting go after those smarting remarks was a lot easier. And it is good for me. 

A fresh new start, a new PJ, a stronger and better PJ. That's all me in the coming 2014. Come what may, I can't wait for 2014 to be here and start everything fresh and new. But one thing I've learnt now, have faith and hope, it will all fall into place, it will happen at the right time. Its ok to slow down and smell the roses along the way. And it is definitely ok to stop chasing things, stop rushing things and let it go. If it is meant to be, it will happen. 

And I'm lucky to have my family stand by me, and my friends that supported me through out this period. Listening to my ranting and not once allow me to indulge in my self pity. In fact, my family and my friends are the reason why I've not allowed myself to wallow in self pity and definitely not throwing my pity party. 

Chin up, move on head held high! Bring it on, 2014!

Madiba and all that he represents

It is amazing how a freedom fighter in South Africa can affect me but he did. I read his book on his "Long Walk to Freedom" and his inspiration for the Boks but I don't live in South Africa, I was not part of those that benefited his work but he was still an inspiration for all of us globally. He believed in equality for all regardless of race, color and gender. And it made it all more meaningful when his memorial service was conducted on the World Humans' Rights Day. 

The interfaith prayers, everyone else's eulogies of him, the sea of colors mourning for him. That was a sight to behold on his own. Although I still can't understand that the most notable picture from the memorial service was one of Barack Obama taking a selfie with the Danish PM and how Michelle Obama "stare" at him. 

He is really the Father of the rainbow nation and he fought for what he truly believe in. I have friends from South Africa that benefited from all that he had fought for. And for that, I truly respect him and I respect all that he represents. This is the case where I believe, one individual can make a difference. There won't be another Madiba for a long while. Looking at the current world leaders and their weak policies, Madiba was a breath of fresh air that made the difference at the right place and time.