Fear. What is fear? According to Psychology Today, it states that fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger and if we didn't feel it, we couldn't protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are far from life-or-death, and thus hang back for no good reason. Traumas or bad experiences can trigger a fear response within us that is hard to quell. Yet (by) exposing ourselves to our personal demons is the best way to move past them.
I got into a very big argument with B, 3 weeks ago and it still remains as a sore point between the 2 of us. What's amazing is that the ups and downs we went through after that and no doubt it was supplemented by my drama queen antics. By the time we sat down and talk, i got more confused by the minute. And now, with both of us saying that we will work on it, I somehow don't seem him compromising. I still feel like he is punishing me and I'm getting more confused with each passing day. Yes, we are taking it slow, we are starting back but I still feel like he is punishing me and yes, I fear for the unknown. So, I asked him, I need a list of do's and don'ts so that I won't drive him up the wall or bug him. But he doesn't want. With so many things happening in my life, the last thing I want to go through now is a break up. So, I need to know so that I won't be self destructive. But I don't get that. All I know is I can't do anything and I can't deal with that.
I am treading very cautiously on egg shells now and I'm scared one wrong move or question and he will clam up again. I'm also worried one non-action from him, I'll throw the whole equation out of order. So, I ask him questions, can i do this or that for the relationship? would you be doing this or that? And of course, there's a backlash to that. I now, have an insatiable need to know. I'm now the impatient one. But you know what I'm now at... I'm just confused and I want to clear it all up. I can't do this. I can't do that. I can do this. I can do that. I was just thinking to myself, why don't I just stop the misery and just go on with my life and do whatever it is I need to do.
