Trust

TRUST. A really simple word that can make or destroy everything. It is really not easy to trust someone. It is very true when you say trust is earned. Its not something you can gain easily. No one will trust you at first sight. I still remember a very dear friend said before, trust no one. 

I trust people easily and freely. This is because I've learned that we should all give everyone the benefit of doubt. But nowadays I don't and I know I'll never fully trust someone. Even if it is someone that I'm sleeping next to. How do you let go of the past hurt and not let it affect your future? How do you learn to trust someone else again?

Yes or no?

Do I tell him or not?

All hail the new generation of keyboard warriors!

I can't believe some of the shallow minded Malaysians at this time. While the sad news of MH370 flight, Beijing bound, is missing, there are some who are spreading rumors. What saddens me the most is that the rumor came from a news agency. I admit our local news agency are not the best but this is stretching it way way way far from acceptable. Not only that, there are some that took it upon themselves to start criticising Malaysian Airlines management and maintenance processes. Seriously, when there are 239 people missing with infants and all, we have our own generation of keyboard warriors that starts spreading rumors and missing the whole big picture. 

Do they know that airlines have strict rules with regards to service and maintenance for all aircrafts? Accidents do happen, lost of communication happens and yes, it's a freakish incident but it doesn't mean it is due to lack of maintenance! Yes, MAS suffered millions or billions of losses, but there are other reasons for losses and not just cutting corners off! 

Well done, we have raised a generation of keyboard warriors that don't check their facts and like the saying goes, "the pen is mightier than the sword", the pen has been replaced by a keyboard. Yes, everyone reserves the right to comment and it is their right to do so but please do so with some ounce of brain activity to it! Don't believe everything you read, don't accept everything you have been given, don't be quick to judge and have one sided view! 

I'm truly sadden by the fact that I'm blogging this, MH370 is still missing and we have a bunch of keyboard warriors that is totally missing the point. I pray for the safety of those onboard MH370 and staying positive is the key now. As for the keyboard warriors, please use your brain more!

What do we leave behind?

I sometimes wonder, what is it that we leave behind when we are no longer here? For some its their kids, for others its their work and for some none. 

I now wonder, what is it that I leave behind? I had made pact with myself some long time ago that I shall try and leave this world a better place, be nice to people and be remembered as the smiley cheerful one everywhere I go. And I realized with some people, I just have to try that little bit harder.

Sometimes...

Sometimes, there are just some things that are never meant to be understood, changed or forced upon.

Sometimes, you just need to find a way to accept and move on.

Sometimes, all we need is just that little bit more of faith, hope and love.

And sometimes, we just need to believe, take a deep breathe and let go.

Memories and Expectations

You sometimes know that some stuff or people are a thing of past when all you could remember about that said thing was just the good happy memory. It's like we forgot how much that pain or hurt we felt. I'm always amazed at how much my brain can block off all that. Maybe it is a just our defence mechanism to continuously be happy. 

Then, there's another side of it. Expectations. How we expect ourselves to behave and others to fall into place. A good case study would be me and B. We were good friends and we had different expectations. When all hell broke loose, we just couldn't piece things together during the rough patch. After that, it just went down the drain. But we recently met up and that's when I realised that we had some good times and we could be friends again. Just not in a relationship and definitely we have different expectations. 

And that's when you tell yourself that this is the time to let go. Its time to give yourself that reality check of what went wrong, what went right, lessons learnt and expectations to be set. At the end of it, I'm happy I still have my friend back and come what may, life will go on and there will be someone out there for me. There is a saying if you can remain as friends after the breakup, it could either mean you are both still in love or you never were. I used to wonder about that but now, it doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't carry anymore weight for me. 

Although I must say that what I missed having with B is the fact that I never had a guy that adored me that much. That he would miss me a lot and say it. Then, I could irritate him so much that he would want to bite me. I never had that before. I now know that I deserve all that attention and adoration a guy could give me. Yes, till now, I don't know what went wrong and I'm putting it down as life's mystery. 

Harassment and being scared

Met with a car accident on Tuesday. It was my fault, a bimbo moment where I thought there was no car when I opened my car door and a car came banging my door from my blind spot. Didn't realized what happened and I'm lucky that I haven't stepped out from my car. The guy was screaming and shouting and when I finally talked sense into him, I decided to go the legal route as he wasn't even going to be reasonable. So both made police report. 

He kept calling every day, first asking for money, second asking how to make the claims. Told him that I won't be answering his call and to let it all be handled by the insurance company. I was scared because he keeps calling nonstop. And yesterday was Friday and I went to watch a show. What was scary was when I checked my phone, I had 8 missed calls from him each 3 minutes apart. That was when I had the chills. I was scared and I am scared now. I don't know what I'm actually scared of if you asked me. He has no clue where I stay and work but I can't help feeling that he is stalking me down. Or rather I can't help looking behind me. I've already said that I've taken all the legal route. I'm worried for his kid but he doesn't seem concern about his kid at all through out the whole entire time and I had to remind him all the time. 

I haven't done anything wrong and I had taken all the legal possible route. How is it possible that I'm scared of him?